Know Your Naruto Stars
by Hakoro
Summary: this is my first fic. i don't care if you review or not. but it'll be nice of you if you did.
1. Naruto

**Listen, guys. Just to let you know, the reason why it's going to suck is because it's my first fanfic. **

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters. (Because if we did, the show would be a whole lot more random.)**

**This fic was made by Tsukiko.**

A young blonde boy was walking particularly nowhere when he wandered into a dimly lit room with a single chair. He decided to put off his training just to have a nice sit for a while.

Meanwhile, the mysterious voice that has been haunting the All That Show for years has left reality to travel to the anime world. The voice was ecstatic to find his first victim, Uzumaki Naruto.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

"Hey, what's going on?" asked Naruto.

"Naruto……is a retired Oompa Loompa."

"Who said that? And what the hell's an oompa loompa?"

"Naruto……has a Sasuke shrine in his closet."

"I do not! Sasuke's only a friend! I don't even like the guy that way. Believe it!"

"Naruto…….says "Believe it" because of a mental disorder!"

"Mental disorder! Are you calling me retarded?! I say "Believe it" because it's my catchphrase!"

"Well, after a few episodes, it kinda gets annoying. Naruto…….has undying hatred for Sakura."

"WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I LOVE SAKURA! I'D DO ANYTHING FOR HER!"

"You'd do anything for someone you hate? That's weird."

"I DO NOT HATE SAKURA!"

"Naruto…….was raped by Itachi."

"…….What the hell?! This really starting to get annoying! Believe it! Who are you anyway?! Show yourself!"

"I don't have to if I don't want to. Naruto……..hates ramen."

Naruto nearly fell out of his chair. "RAMEN IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAVE BEEN INVENTED ON THIS EARTH!"

"You keep telling yourself that, ramen-hater. Naruto……..kidnapped Shippo from the anime "Inuyasha" and is holding him hostage."

"HOW DID YOU KNO--- I mean, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah right."

* * *

**(Meanwhile back at Naruto's apartment. Shippo's tied up in Naruto's room)** "I sure hope the guys notice I'm gone." 

**(In the Inuyasha world)** Kagome: "Hey, guys. Where's Shippo?"

Inuyasha: "I don't know."

Kagome: "…………..Ok then."

* * *

**(Back at the Know Your Stars room)**

"Naruto……..He's teaming up with Gaara to take over the world."

"Gaara?! For one thing, Gaara couldn't care less about the world! He'd rather kill everybody in it. Second of all, I avoid that freak as much as possible."

Hakoro appears out of nowhere, marches up to Naruto, and smacks him hard. "HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY GAARA THAT WAY, YOU RETARDED OOMPA LOOMPA!" Suddenly she takes out a huge machine gun and starts shooting at Naruto. As a result, Naruto starts to run for his life with Hakoro at his heels.

After a few minutes of silence, the mysterious voice finally concludes that they wouldn't be coming back anytime soon.

"Okay…….that was random. Well, now you know Naruto. The ramen-hating, retired oompa loompa who wants to take over the world. Gee, I hope Hakoro and Naruto don't get blood on my new carpet. I just installed it, like, 2 days ago."

* * *

**Sorry this was so short, you guys. Next up is SASUKE! **

**P.S. I don't care if you review or not. I'm doing this for fun. **


	2. Sasuke

**On to Chapter 2! Today, we have Sasuke!**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters. (Darn.)**

The mysterious voice (A/N: Let's call him MV for short) was kicking back and waiting for another victim to annoy. Also, he was relieved that no blood has been soaked into his brand new carpet.

Just then, MV heard someone opening the door to the Know Your Stars room. He saw a spiky-headed kid wandering around who looked like he had nothing better to do. MV recognized him as none other than Uchiha Sasuke. Sasuke sat down in the chair.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

Sasuke looked around to try to locate where the voice was coming from.

"Sasuke……likes to hula dance."

"What are you talking about? And who are you?"

"Sasuke…….he bought the Sharingan off of e-Bay."

"The Sharingan is a bloodline limit only to be inherited by an Uchiha. How do I manage to get myself in annoying situations like this?" Sasuke kept looking around to find where MV was hiding. Alas, he shall never know. (And neither will anyone else in this series.)

"Sasuke……..thinks the Powerpuff girls are hot."

"I might add this person to my hit list along with Itachi."

"Sasuke…….likes to talk to himself."

"This voice is seriously getting annoying."

"Sasuke……..just proved my point."

"Look, I don't know who you are but I'm leaving now." Sasuke got off the chair and headed towards the exit. He tried opening the doors but they didn't budge.

MV had thought ahead. "Sasuke……can't leave because I locked the doors as soon as he came in."

Sasuke had no other choice but to stay in the room with MV. "Listen, let me out of here and I won't kill you."

"Sorry, pal. You couldn't kill me even if you tried. And besides, you don't even know where I am. Now if you don't mind, I would like to finish torturing you. I have a few more left. Now hula your way back over to that chair."

Seeing as Sasuke had no choice, he angrily stomped back over to the chair and once again sat down.

"Sasuke………is a deadly disease in human form."

"I am not. Where are you getting this stuff anyway?"

"Sasuke…….killed Santa Claus."

"No, that was Gaara."

* * *

**(at Gaara's house)**

"I regret nothing."

* * *

**(back at the Know Your Stars room)**

" OO…….Uhhh moving on. Sasuke………..is Swedish."

"Swedish?! First of all, I'm Asian. Second, if I were Swedish, what would I be doing in Japanese animation?"

"You tell me. You're the one who's Swedish."

"I am NOT!"

"Sasuke………posted a video on YouTube saying that he was gay."

"You don't have any proof."

"Oh, don't I? Roll the clip!" A screen pops out of nowhere and the clip starts to play.

(Begin Clip)

"I am gay."

(End Clip)

Sasuke was extremely annoyed. "You just made that clip on your own! Will you please just let me out of here?"

"Now you know Sasuke. The Swedish, hula-dancing, deadly disease who bought the Sharingan off of e-Bay."

"They don't know anything! Show yourself so I can kill you!**  
**

* * *

**Well, that was a piece of crap. Next up is Sakura!**


	3. Sakura

**On to Chapter 3! It's Sakura! (A/N: God, I hate her.)**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters. (Double-darn.)**

MV was very proud of his accomplishment. So far, Sasuke was the best victim he's ever annoyed. And it turns out that police officers at home that have been watching the show arrested Sasuke for assassinating Santa Claus. Sasuke had tried telling them it was actually Gaara, but did they listen? Nope! **(A/N: Besides, the police already knew Gaara would've killed them if they tried to take him to jail. ) **

So, in other words, MV was lovin' his job. But then, a certain pink-haired genin came wandering in the Know Your Stars room. Haruno Sakuro…..oh wait, I mean Sakura.

Like the other two, Sakura decided to have a nice sit in a comfy chair. Let the torture BEGIN!

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

"Who's there?"

"Sakura……Just two weeks ago, she was on sale at the 99 cents store."

"Who are you? And what are you talking about?"

"Sakura……Her momma so dumb, she makes President Bush look smart."

" HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOM THAT WAY!"

"Awww. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. **(A/N: note the sarcasm.) **Let me rephrase it a little bit. Sakura…… Her momma so dumb, she makes _Sasuke_ look smart."

"DON'T TALK THAT WAY ABOUT MY SASUKE-KUN! WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU ANYWAY?!"

"I really wish people would stop asking me that. Sakura……..broke into Sesame Street and shot Elmo in the head."

* * *

**(at Gaara's house)**

"Damn, she got to him first. Well, there's always Big Bird."

**(back at the Know Your Stars room)**

* * *

"I did no such thing! Why would I shoot Elmo?! He's my favorite character on that show!" 

"Exactly. You got so crazy about him that you shot him. I just don't get these Elmo fangirls."

"You're not making any sense! Who's behind all of this?"

"That'll be me! Sakura………is a crackhead."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S ON CRACK, NOT ME!"

"Sakura…..is in denial."

"I AM NOT!"

"Sakura……..likes to dress like Britney Spears."

"WHO WOULD WANT TO DRESS UP AS THAT SLUT?!"

"Uhhh, apparently you do."

"THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!"

"Didn't you read the last chapter? As soon as you come in, I lock the doors until I decide when you should leave."

"Chapter? What are you talking about?"

" -- Never mind. Sakura……..likes to fantasize about Shino."

* * *

**(at Shino's house)**

"Oh yeah. Y'all know I'm hot.**  
**

* * *

**(back at the KYS room)**

"EEEEEWWW! ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHO THE HECK WOULD WANT TO FANTASIZE ABOUT HIM?! HE'S FUCKIN' CREEPY!"

"I don't understand how you could feel that way about someone you fantasize about."

"I DON'T! YOU'RE REALLY ANNOYING ME! YOU'RE ALMOST WORSE THAN NARUTO!"

"Sakura……starred in the hit movie "The Exorcist."

"WHAT?! That was some other little girl! It wasn't me!"

"Really? You and her sure do look the same. Considering that you're both ugly as hell, and all."

"YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT!"

"Sakura…….really needs to stop talking in all capital letters."

"What the heck are you talking about?!"

"Now you know Sakura. The Elmo-assassin crackhead who likes to fantasize about Shino.**  
**

* * *

**Wow. 3 chapters in 1 day. I am awesomeness! Next up is the one and only _GAARA_! However, I shall post it tomorrow. (Doing 4 chapters in one day is just overworking myself.)**

**Review or not to review. That is the question. Well, not really. Like I said, it's ok if you don't. It'll be nice of you though.**


	4. Gaara

**On to Chapter 4! It's GAARA!**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters. (Grrrrr…..)**

For the first time in his life, MV was scared out of his mind. The authoress, Tsukiko, has warned MV beforehand that it was Gaara's turn. MV immediately started writing his will, fearing that he might not make it before the end of this chapter. While he was writing, Sabaku no Gaara himself walked in the room. MV knew, as well as everyone else, that Gaara was no person to mess with. Unfortunately, MV didn't have much choice but to do what he must do.

Gaara was already seated by the time MV had finished his will. MV tries to keep a positive attitude and repeats in his mind that this'll go better than expected. Let's read on to see how everything works out.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

Gaara had barely acknowledged the voice.

"Gaara………still doesn't know his ABC's."

Gaara hadn't moved or spoke.

"Gaara…….is actually a type of exotic panda."

The boy still stared straight ahead as if MV wasn't there.

"This is the part where you're supposed to be getting annoyed."

No response.

"Gaara……..He just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico."

Still no response from the red-headed boy. MV now started to panic. He could lose his job if this kid doesn't get annoyed and quick. After a few seconds of thinking, he finally decided to speak to the authoress. **(A/N: AKA me!)**

"Hold on, kid. I'll be right back." Gaara still hadn't moved**  
**

* * *

**(Backstage)**

"Tsukiko?"

**What?**

"I swear there's something wrong with that kid. I said about 3 things and he still hasn't budged. He just sits there and stares like a wax figure. See, look at him." MV points to a camera view on a computer monitor. The view is from the upper left corner of the KYS room; it shows Gaara still sitting perfectly still in the chair and looking straight ahead. "I just don't know what to do anymore. He just won't respond."

**It's because you're not saying the right stuff. Say something about his appearance or lie about something he hates and likes and all that jazz. You know, something to make him mad. Like you did in those other chapters.**

"But won't he kill me?"

**Ok, you know what? I have a fanfic to write here. So I don't really care about that right now. Ooh! Ooh! I know what you can say!  
**

* * *

**(Time skip) **

After hearing the authoress's advice, MV decided to give it another go.

* * *

**(Back at the KYS room)**

"Gaara…….burned his eyebrows off from playing with matches."

Then, a miracle happened. Gaara blinked and looked around to try and find where the voice is coming from.

"Finally! You got me worried there, kid. Gaara………is in love with Neji."

"I love myself and only myself."

"Gaara……..drew the kanji on his head with a Sharpie."

* * *

**(at Gaara's house)**

Kankuro stared at the TV. "Everyone kinda knew that already."

**(back at the KYS room)**

* * *

Gaara's eyes narrowed. "No I didn't. I made it from my sand." 

"Suuuuuure. Gaara…….dipped his head in a bucket of ketchup when he was 3 years old."

"No I didn't."

"Then why is your hair red?" Gaara had no reply. "Uh-huh. That's what I thought." Even though Gaara was barely talking, MV knew he was getting angrier and angrier by the second. But that's what encouraged him to continue with his torture.

"Gaara………His momma so dumb, she thought OJ Simpson was a type of fruit juice.

* * *

**(at Naruto's house)**

"You mean it's not?**  
**

* * *

**(back at the KYS room)**

Gaara was really mad now. We all know that after those tragic flashbacks in Naruto Episode 76, it was a bad move to talk about his momma. He was now trembling slightly and had that psychotic look in his eyes. Gaara was about to use his sand to destroy the whole room, but suddenly he saw a 6 foot tall figure walking in from the other side of the room……….Big Bird.

"Ah, Big Bird. Can you please keep Gaara company? I forgot I had a little errand to run. I'll be right back."

"Sure thing, MV."

Several seconds had gone by so Big Bird decided to break the silence. "Say, let's sing our ABC's!"

It's too bad MV and Big Bird didn't know who Gaara's next assassination victim was, which was revealed in the last chapter. So I don't want to elaborate on what happened in the KYS room. Because I think you readers at home already know.

**(Time skip)**

MV had just got back from picking up his clothes from the cleaners. What he saw was not pretty. Gaara still remained in the chair, though looking slightly more relaxed than before. However, a bloody and dead Big Bird lay right next to him. MV was beyond terrified.

"HOLY CRAP, KID! WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE?!"

"………………………..He fell."

"Ok. I think it's time to end it here. Now you know Gaara. The Neji-loving exotic panda who drew on his head with a Sharpie."

Gaara decided this was pointless and used his sand to destroy the whole KYS studio. Luckily, MV had escaped just in time.

Now, all Gaara had to do was find a place to hide the dead body of a beloved Sesame Street character

* * *

**Sad, yes I know. But you gotta admit it was funny. Next up is Neji! YAAAAAY! Sorry, I just really love Neji.**

**But anyway, review or don't review. Your choice.**

**P.S. We are currently re-building the studio. So the next update will take a while.**


	5. IMPORTANT!

**Just to let you guys know, my friend Hakoro will be doing the next chapter. (Neji's chapter)**


	6. Neji

**Hey everyone! It's Hakoro here! Hi, I'm excited to do this one so it will be kind of random but on with the story!**

**Hakoro;CHAPTER 5 is here and I, Hakoro, am doing this chapter. Ok? Ok then hehehe. I have our last vict- I mean contestant here, Gaara, to do the disclamer. Take it away, Gaara.**

**Gaara;Hakoro-and-Tsukiko don't own Naruto. If they did, it would be more random: Naruto would sing retarded songs and Neji and I would be the stars.**

**Hakoro;Thank you Gaara. Now ON WITH THE STORY!**

Neji was walking. He didn't care where he was. He was just walkin'. Soon he saw a nice chair. He sat down taking a breather, when out of nowhere came MV.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

Neji jumped up, "WHAT THE HELL?! WHO'S THERE?!"

"Neji Hyuuga...he secretly likes Gaara and thinks he's super hot."

Neji's jaw dropped and said "WHAT THE HELL?! NO I DON'T!"

"Right. Then what's this in your journal, Neji? It says here 'I think Gaara's super hot. I really like him but I will never admit it' What do you say to that, Neji?"

"Alright, who are you and what are you doing with Hakoro's journal?"

"This is someone you don't know. And this is _your_ journal, Neji."

"NO IT'S NOT!"

"Neji Hyuuga...he steals Hinata's underwear and wears them on his head and sings the Meow Mix song."

"How did you kn- I MEAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR TALKIN' ABOUT!**  
**

* * *

**(elsewhere)**

"HINABI, HAVE YOU SEEN MY UNDERWEAR?"

"No. Sorry sis, haven't seen them."

**(back to the show)**

* * *

"Neji Hyuuga... he really helped Gaara kill Big Bird while I was gone."

"WHAT? NO I DIDN'T! Wait. You're telling me Big Bird's dead?"

"Umm yeah. You helped Gaara kill him. Remember?"

"So Big Bird's dead?"

"Yeah."

Neji stands there then yells "YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Neji Hyuuga... he's really a woman."

'WHAT THE HELL?! NO I'M NOT!"

"Well thats all our time for now. So now you know Neji. The Gaara-loving woman who wears Hinata's underwear."

"WHAT?! DONT LISTEN TO HIM! ITS' ALL LIES, I TELL YOU! LIES!"

* * *

**Hakoro; So how did I do? And please review for more funny things. Next up is...well I don't know. Tsukiko will tell in the next chapter - now quickly review. GAARA, GET BACK HERE NOW, MISTER!**

**Gaara;Please help me by reviewing. Save me from the insane woman! Please help me! Just click that purpleish button and type! PLEASE! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! SHE GOT THE CHAINSAW OUT!! HHHHEEEELLLPPPPP!!!!**


	7. Shikamaru

_ATTENTION_: People have been saying that I have copying someone else's work. That is completely _false_. I'm not doing that on purpose. I've never read anyone else's Know Your Naruto Stars fic, therefore I don't have any material to plagiarize. I'm making this stuff all up. I only ask one thing: if you honestly think I'm copying off of someone else's work, review me this person's penname and what I supposedly copied. 

**On to Chapter 6! Oh wait…..i mean Chapter 7! It's LEE!**

"Tsukiko, it's Shikamaru. Lee is Chapter 8."

**Oh.**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters. (--) **

MV is very glad he moved to the anime world. His job was getting funnier and funnier by the chapter. Now all he had to do was wait for Nara Shikamaru to show up. In a little while, he did.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

"Know my stars? How troublesome."

"Shikamaru……His real name is Masashi Kishimoto. By the way, can I have your autograph?"

"My name is Nara Shikamaru. And why do you want my autograph?"

"Because, Masashi, you're the one who created Naruto. Duh."

"I didn't create Naruto. Like everyone else, he was born."

"I was talking about the anime but nevermind. Shikamaru……..was originally a type of Pokemon."

"That show is annoying. I wouldn't be caught dead on that show."

"You're just mad because they fired you after the first episode."

"I wasn't on that troublesome show in the first place."

"Shikamaru…………made his own remix of 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira."

"I don't even like that song. How did I get in this place anyway?"

"The authoress put you here so don't ask questions. Shikamaru………He likes big butts and he cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny."

Shikamaru nearly fell out of the chair. "You gotta be kidding me. What kinda place is this anyway? A building made for torture?"

_'Damn, how did he know?'_ MV thought. _'This kid's too start for his own good.'_ "Shikamaru………used to be a Sasuke fangirl."

"I was never a fan of anyone. It'd be too troublesome."

"Shikamaru………is a water bender."

"Water bender? Is that some type of name for a person who uses water jutsus? I use shadows."

"Riiiigght. Avatar……I mean, Shikamaru………His IQ is actually only 20."

"How troublesome. My IQ is actually 200 which is exceptionally high."

"Oh yeah? Pop quiz! What's 1 + 1?

"2. Everyone knows that."

"WRONG! The answer is "window."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Yes it does. But you're too dumb for me to explain it."

"I know for a fact that I'm smarter than you."

"Shikamaru……likes to dress up and act like Hitler on Saturday nights."

"What are you talking about?! I'm asleep most of the time on Saturday nights. And who the hell is Hitler?"

"What did I tell you folks? He doesn't know who Hitler is and he can't even answer 1 +1. Sounds like an IQ of 20 to me!"

"I hate you."

"Now you know Masashi Kishimoto. The water bender with an IQ of 20 who made his own remix of 'Hips Don't Lie' and acts like Hitler on Saturday nights. Now leave me alone, kid. You're troublesome."

"Hey, that's my line!"

However, MV ignored him and pushed a special button on a remote control. The ground opened up under Shikamaru and down he went along with the KYS chair.

"Well at least I know the new trap door I installed works well.**  
**

* * *

**Another chapter finished! Next up is Lee! **


	8. Rock Lee

**On to Chapter 8! It's Lee!**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters. (Triple darn.)**

**P.S. I'm sorry to say that Shikamaru is not with us today. We kinda didn't know that trap door led to a pit of cobras…………….yeah. I apologize to all Shikamaru fangirls.**

Up next was Rock Lee. MV made sure to think up of really good insults for Lee; he knew this guy was weird enough already. When Lee came in through the door, MV vision was practically blinded by green. _'Jesus Christ!'_ MV thought. _'I thought a 5-foot stalk of celery came through the door!'_

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

"Who is there?"

"Lee…….He plays Larry the Cucumber in Veggie Tales."

"Although I do not impersonate Larry the Cucumber, I must say Veggie Tales is the most youthful program for youthful people such as myself! I watch the videos all the time!"

"Umm……..Dude, you do know that Veggie Tales is only for certain religions, right?"

"It is?"

"Lee……..his ultimate goal is to cut off Justin Timberlake's head and put it in a jar."

"Absolutely not! My goal is to become an excellent ninja even if I don't know ninjutsu or genjutsu………Well at least it **_was_** until Gaara crushed my arm and leg."

* * *

**(at Gaara's house)**

"Why am I mentioned in almost every fuckin' chapter of this fanfic?"

**(back at the KYS room)**

* * *

"Lee……..is Gai-sensei's evil clone."

"I'm afraid you are mistaken. I'm Gai-sensei's pupil and we just look alike."

"Suuure. Lee……..tried to kill Sakura in Naruto episode 837!"

"HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! I PROTECT SAKURA WITH MY LIFE! And besides, the show has nowhere near that many episodes."

"Well, it might as well since they keep making so much." **(A/N: By the way, can someone review me on just how many Naruto episodes there actually are? I'm thinkin' somewhere around 230. Correct me if I'm wrong.)**

"Lee……….was born from a pickle."

"No I wasn't."

"Then explain why you're so darn green."

"That's just my outfit."

"Excuses, excuses, excuses. Lee…………his ultimate goal is to cut off Justin Timberlake's—"

"Umm, excuse me. You already used that one."

"…….Oh yeah. Sorry, the authoress is running out of ideas. Lee………His eyebrows actually ARE caterpillars."

"WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?! THEY'RE JUST REALLY BUSHY, THAT'S ALL! LIKE I WOULD REALLY JUST RANDOMLY GRAB SOME CATERPILLARS AND PUT THEM ON MY FACE!"

"Woah, he admits it. Let's give him a round of applause for being such a good sport!"

"Just what is your purpose in trying spreading lies to annoy me?!"

"If you haven't noticed already in the last 7 chapters, my purpose IS to annoy you."

"And you get paid for this?"

"Can we please stop talking about my job and finish this thing?"

"Fine."

"Lee………….has ADHD."

"I do not!………….What's ADHD?"

MV almost fell over from…..wherever he is.

"Are you kidding me? Next you'll be tellin' me that you don't know what pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is."

"……………………………" **(A/N: Did you know that was a real word? It's a type of lung disease.)**

"Lee……….stole Shino's glasses."

"I would never do something so horrible as stealing. Even though it would be tempting to try to see his eyes."

"I already know what they look like. And so does the authoress of this fanfic."

"Fanfic? What are you talking about?"

_'Why is it that Gaara only knows that this is a fanfiction?'_ MV thought. _'But anyway, I think it's time to wrap things up.'_

"Now you know Lee. The evil clone of Gai-sensei who plays Larry the Cucumber and whose eyebrows are caterpillars."

"I find this very offensive. I shall report this right away."

"Kid, you ain't reportin' shit." MV activated the trap door once again. Luckily, Lee hopped off the chair just in time.

"Sir, you do remember that there are snakes down there, right?"

"………Oh yeah I forgot. Sorry about that, kid.

* * *

**That sucked balls. Personally, I think Rock Lee is adorable so it kinda pained me to write this chapter. '**

**Anyway, I hope you're not too mad at me for what happened to Shikamaru. The KYS company is currently paying for the damage. I'm sure we all agree that we shouldn't use that trap door any longer for this story.**

**Up next is……..either Ino or Kiba or Kankuro. I'm gonna leave you guys guessing. Ha ha.**


	9. Ino

**Sorry it took so long. Homework's been keeping me busy and I'm running out of ideas.**

**On to Chapter 9! It's Ino! (God, I hate her, too.)**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters. (sigh) **

Also, Tsukiko would like to say that she doesn't really think she gave the last chapter much effort. So if you think it sucked, you're not alone.

MV just couldn't wait for Ino to show up. He hated that whore almost more than Sakura. And he knew the authoress did, too, so he tried to think up some really good ones for Yamanaka. Meanwhile, he was also doing that little 'She loves me, she loves me not' thing with a flower, only something different. "She's a slut, she's not a slut, she's a slut, she's not a slut." It was down to the last 3 petals. "She's a slut, she's not a slut, she's a slut. Wow, even the flowers know." Right after that, Ino came in.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

"Who's there?"

"Ino……..was part of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

"What? No I wasn't. Besides, I live in Konoha, not Texas."

"Ino………shot Hilary Duff."

"I would never do that! She's practically my idol!"

"I thought your idol was Britney Spears."

"That whore is not my idol! Where you would you get an idea like that?"

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone did think that. Considering that you are a whore and all."

"I'M NOT A WHORE!"

"Ino…….likes to fantasize about making out with Tsume."

"That guy from Wolf's Rain? Are you kidding me? He's as ugly as hell."

**OH NO SHE DIDN'T! MV, GET ME MY AK-47! I'M GONNA SHOOT THIS MOTHER—**

"Tsukiko, just calm down. Remember, this is just a fanfic," MV said, as he tried to calm the authoress down.

**I DON'T GIVE A CRAP! ANYONE WHO INSULTS TSUME MUST DIE!**

"Look, can we just finish this chapter? The readers are waiting."

**-- Fine.**

Ino was confused. "Who are you talking to?"

"Ino……..needs to mind her own business."

Suddenly, Napolean Dynamite walks in. "Yeah, Ino. Mind your own business. GOSH!" He then walks out.

A few minutes of silence had gone by until MV decided to speak up. "Can we please continue now without any interruptions?"

**Yeah, go ahead.**

"Ino………Her real name is Ryan Seacrest."

"No it's not! And besides, that's a guy's name!"

"………………You're not a guy?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE A GUY TO YOU?!"

"No comment. Ino……….is the Grudge."

"The what?"

"You're telling me you haven't heard of that movie?"

"Nope."

_'God, she's a stupid-ass bitch.'_ MV thought, which was exactly what the authoress was thinking. "Ino……...is Deidara's sister."

"Who?"

"That Akatsuki guy. The one with the blond hair."

"I'm still not following you."

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A FREAKIN' DUMB WHORE! Alright, I think it's time we end this. Now you know Ryan Seacrest. The dumb whore who's part of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, likes to fantasize about Tsume, and needs to mind her own business."

"This is one screwed-up fanfic."

"HOW DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS A FANFIC?!" But then MV regained his posture and said in a sinister voice, "Well, since you know of the secret, I'm afraid I can't let you leave."

Just then, two guards came in and grabbed Ino by the arms.

"Take her to the KYS dungeon!"

The guards proceeded to leave with Ino.

* * *

** Mwahahahaha. I am evil. Next up is Shino! Once again, I'm so sorry it took so long. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can.**

**P.S. I would like to say that I don't feel I gave Chapter 8 much effort. So if you thought it was crap, you're not alone.**


	10. Shino

**Since Hakoro is currently occupied with her own story in progress, Tsukiko will be taking over this fanfic permanently.**

**On to Chapter 10! It's Shino!**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters.** **(Because if we did, we'd make it so that Sakura and Ino never existed! YAAAAY!)**

**I'd like to give a shout-out to all my reviewers! You guys are awesomeness!**

Well, another job well done for MV. Aburame Shino was next so-

"Tsukiko."

**What?**

"Listen, I can't make it for this chapter."

**Why not?**

"It's kinda hard to explain. But listen, my cousin J.D. called and said she'll be glad to take my place for this chapter. She should be arriving soon."

**Ok. See ya later.**

* * *

Anyway, Aburame Shino was next.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

Like the others, Shino was looking around to try and locate the temporarily female voice.

"Shino……likes to strip to Linkin Park."

"What the hell? I don't even listen to Linkin Park. Who are you anyway?"

"Shino…….is a terrorist. That's why he wears that long-ass coat; to hide all his weapons."

"…………."

"See that's why you're silent, because you know it's true."

"I'm silent because it was the stupidest thing I ever heard."

"Shino…….is responsible for Hurricane Katrina."

"I had nothing to do with that! In fact, nobody did! It's called a 'natural disaster.' "

"As in, a 'disaster that Shino caused' ".

"I did not!"

"Shino……He was born with sunglasses already on his eyes."

"No they're not. I've had these glasses ever since I was an academy student."

"Shino…….is a Pokemon master."

"Pokemon master???"

"Duh, 'cause you use bug Pokemon to fight."

"I only use regular bugs, not Pokemon."

"Whatever. Shino…….He doesn't know if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about."

"You know if you think about it, no one does."

"…….You got a point there. Come to think of it, has that question really ever been answered?"

"I don't think so."

"Ok, we're going off-topic here so let's move along. Shino……..has a crush on the authoress."

**(A/N: What the f?)**

"I don't have a crush on anybody. And why would I have a crush on the authoress if I don't even know what she looks like?"

"I don't know. Maybe because you're just weird. Anyway, now you know Shino. The Pokemon master terrorist who's responsible for Hurricane Katrina."

"Hey, wasn't there supposed to be a guy doing this stuff?"

"Shutup and go blow up an airport or something, you terrorist.

* * *

**Sorry it was so short. Anyway, this time you guys can tell me which person I should do for the next chapter. All you have to do is review!**

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! ♥♥♥♥**


	11. Kiba

**On to Chapter 11! You guys chose Kiba!**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto and the characters.**

I waste too much time with these introduction paragraphs so I'm only gonna say that we have MV back. Oh yeah, and it's Kiba's turn.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars."

"Know my stars? What stars?"

"Kiba…….His favorite food is Arnold Schwarzenegger-flavored Starbursts."

"What are you talking about? My favorite food is beef jerky. And who is Arnold Schwarzenegger?"

"You don't wanna know. Kiba……..His favorite music artist is Snoop Dogg."

"I could care less about that guy."

"You're lucky Snoop Dogg fangirls can't get in this studio. They'd crucify your ass. Kiba…….He wishes he was Bush so he could legalize gay marriage."

"You wish."

"No, you wish."

"Forget it."

"Kiba……..he stole Akamaru from his previous owner, Lord Sesshomaru."

"I didn't steal him! I've had Akamaru for years!"

"……..Because you stole him."

"I DID NOT!"

"Kiba……He's addicted to crack."

"Yo momma."

**(A/N: Oooooh, Kiba got jokes.)**

"Shutup Tsukiko."

**You're just mad because you got dissed by a Genin.**

"Moving on. Kiba…….He ain't no hollaback girl."

"God, I hate that song."

"Kiba…….actually killed the Third Hokage and framed Orochimaru."

"No I didn't! It _was _Orochimaru!"

"Riiiiggght."

"IT WAS!"

"Kiba……is a 95-year-old bus driver."

"That was just plain random."

"I don't care. Kiba…….has a severe case of alekthophilia."

"……Which is…"

"The love of chickens."

"Who in the hell would have a obsession over chickens?"

"You."

"I'm starting to hate you."

"So? You're just makin' my job easier. Kiba…….is the voice of Mr. Mackey from South Park."

"What are you talking about? I don't even watch South Park."

"Kiba…….just got served."

"Served? How did I get served?"

"Now you know Kiba. The 95-year-old busdriver who's addicted to crack and has alekthophilia."

"Seriously, I hate you."

* * *

**Another chapter finished. Like last time, you guys decide who you want next. But this time it has to be one of the adults. Thank you!**

**By the way, I have a new fic coming out tomorrow! It's called……….I don't have a title yet. But I'm working on it.**


	12. Kakashi

**On to Chapter 12! You guys chose Kakashi-sensei!**

**Hakoro-and-Tsukiko101225 does not own Naruto or the characters. ('Cause if we did, I would own Gaara, Neji and Lee.)**

* * *

**Yo, MV.**

"Yeah?"

**I forgot to mention. We're temporarily takin' a break from genins until maybe Chapter 14 or 15. We're only doing Jounins for now. Today's victim is Kakashi-sensei.**

"Alrighty then."

* * *

Well it's been about an hour now and Kakashi-sensei still hasn't arrived at the studio. 

**Curse that Kakashi. This happened in episode 4.**

"Yeah, I know."

Suddenly Kakashi himself entered from stage right. (And probably thinking up some lame excuse for being late.) "Sorry I'm a little late," he said. "There was a clearance sale at Macy's so-"

**We don't wanna hear your boot-leg excuses! Now get your butt in that chair before I go Rasengan on your ass!**

Ignoring the threat, Kakashi half-heartedly sat in the KYS chair. "Why am I here again?"

**Just sit back and relax. MV will do the rest.**

* * *

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars, know your stars." 

"I still don't know why I'm here."

"Kakashi…….His mom experiments with drugs and alcohol."

"My mom's been dead for years so I don't see how that makes any sense."

"Kakashi…….will be starring in Spiderman 3."

"Seriously? Nobody told me that."

"Ok the thing is, stupid, that you're supposed to be getting annoyed. Why is that people do not get the concept of this fanfic?"

**I have no idea.**

"Anyway, let's continue. Kakashi…….is a mother of 3 children."

"Mother? I'm a guy. And who the hell would be my children?"

"Those three munchkins you are always hanging around."

"Those are my students, not my children."

"Same thing. Kakashi……burned a whole in the ozone layer, causing global warming."

"See, you did this same thing with Shino. Why blame natural disasters on people who have nothing to do with it?"

"You know, I am so tired of you people always in denial."

"Denial? Who said I was in denial?"

"Kakashi……He thinks he's too sexy for his shirt."

**He is.**

"Tsukiko, no one was talking to you. Kakashi……owns Playboy Mansion."

"I wish."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do. Kakashi……used to be a Final Fantasy character."

"I hate Final Fantasy."

**You do?**

"Yeah, it really doesn't make any sense to me."

**We need to get together sometime.**

"Tsukiko, I'm trying to do my job here. I don't need you flirting with my victims."

**So? It's over anyway. Look, the bar thing's only 3 lines down.**

"Oh. Now you know Kakashi. The mother of 3 children who owns Playboy Mansion and will be starring in Spiderman 3."

**Who do we think we should do next?**

"I don't know. We let the reviewers decide, remember?"

* * *

**  
Another chapter finished. Who do you guys want next?**

**P.S. Do you guys honestly want a sequel to that Gaara Survey thing?**


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